By: dave

dave — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 17:14:03 +0000

you keep saying she. and if this is a formal essay, you dont say me or I, and you haven’t cited any information

By: teamkyle

teamkyle — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 17:08:30 +0000

You repeat your self to much. Sounds like a 7th graded wrote it.

By: Naomi

Naomi — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 10:50:53 +0000

Richest African American Alive!
Oprah Gail Winfrey was born January 29th, 1954, in Kosciusko, Mississippi to the
parents of Vernita Lee and father Vermon Winfrey, unmarried teenagers at the time, who split up when Oprah was born. She lived with her grandmother Hattie Mae in a ghetto for the first six years of her life. Where did her parents go or why was she living with Hattie Mae?
She taught herself to read at the age of three. Why? Says who?
Lead into this: What other terrible things happened to her before she was molested? Was there anything in her younger life that would indicate this was going to happen? The most terrible thing that has happened to her was when she was molested by her cousins, uncle, and family starting at the nine.
When she was thirteen she ran away and became pregnant at fourteen,
but gave birth, to a stillborn.
Today, at age 53, Oprah has become the richest African-American female in history and is currently worth $1.5 billion. Friends say/she says she always wanted to be an actress. She began her career at seventeen,
becoming the youngest news anchor and the first colored female at Nashville’s WLAC-TV. In 1983, her show Donahue became the number one talk show in Chicago, Illinois. It was later renamed The Oprah Winfrey Show and first aired under that name on September 8th, 1986.
Aside from acting, she now co-owns Oxygen and her own production company
“Harpo”–that’s Oprah spelled backwards! She won an Academy Award for starring as Sofia in “The Color Purple”, the show she produced on Broadway. She also has two magazines called The O, and O at home!
Additionally, she has provided relief to many people through various chariable events. One of her key areas of aid has been to children’s education. In January 2007, Oprah opened the Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy for Girls in Johannesburg, South Africa.. For this project alone, Oprah invested gave $40 million towards the school, classrooms, books, desks and uniforms.
According to television channel E!, she is now worth $1.5 billion and currently resides on a forty-two acre estate in Montecito, California. She has reported to have paid $50 million on this mansion. Besides this she owns many more homes in different locations. How does this contribute to the flow of the story? Thus far you have been talking about how she is charitable and a strong woman and now you are saying she wastes money on lots of homes.I don’t feel this is necessary in the essay and could be cut to make it flow and contribute to your main thesis better.
This makes sense, because it continues on about her charitable contributions. In fall of 2004 she gave away 276 Pontiac G6’s to everyone in her audience, spending over $7 million, each car costing $28,400.
Oprah Winfrey is a role model to me as well as many other people. At the age of fifty-three
Oprah is still doing wonderful things for adults and children every day.
The essay still needs a lot of smoothing out and a little more filler. Don’t copy and paste an essay together in future, it’s just not a good idea and usually ends up backfiring. Best of luck.
Also, your theme statement doesn’t match your conclusion. You need to decide whether your essay is about Oprah’s accomplishments or whether it is about her being a role model and focus your essay from there.

Comments on: I Need Help For This Grammar Situation?

By: dave

By: teamkyle

By: Naomi